Take a Break. Let’s Have a Coffee Humor

Hei readers! Enough with serious coffee topics, let’s get some laugh on this piece of coffee humor! So, this is it :)

Ways to know if you drink too much coffee

- You can “out-yip” your chihuaha.

-There’s more grounds than soil around your garden plants.

• You make coffee ice cubes for your iced coffee.

• You eat coffee jello (or coffee agar for coffee-lovin’ vegetarians). (The above four are courtesy of Ruth Gagliano)

-You haven’t blinked since the last lunar eclipse.

• You’ve built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.

• You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.

• People get dizzy just watching you.

• You sleep with your eyes open :-D

• You have to watch videos in fast forward.

• People can test batteries in your ears.

• You don’t get mad; you get steamed.

• You don’t tan; you roast.

• The only kitchen appliances you own are made by Mr. Coffee.

• You get a tax cut for all the coffee you bought.

• You get a speeding ticket even when you’re parked.

• You speed walk in your sleep.

• You have a bumper sticker that says: “Coffee drinkers are good in the sack.”

• You just completed another sweater and you don’t know how to knit.

• You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.

• The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.

• When you open your dish cabinet, and there is only mugs.

• The only time you’re standing still is during an earthquake.

• You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.

• You lick your coffeepot clean.

• You spend every vacation visiting “Maxwell House.”

• You’re the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don’t even work there.

• You’ve worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.

• Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.

• Your coffee cake, must have coffee in it.

• You chew on other people’s fingernails.

• Your T-shirt says, “Decaffeinated coffee is the devil’s blend.”

• You’re so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.

• You can type sixty words per minute… with your feet.

• The only gift you get for Valentines Day you get chocolate covered beans.

• You can jump-start your car without cables.

• Your only source of nutrition comes from “Sweet & Low.”

• You don’t sweat, you percolate.

• You’ve worn out the handle on your favorite mug.

• You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.

• You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it’s not plugged in.

• You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.

• Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.

• Every shirt or blouse you own has a coffee stain on it.

• You’ve worn the finish off your coffee table.

• The Taster’s Choice couple wants to adopt you.

• Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.

• You’re so wired, you pick up AM radio and people test their batteries in your ears.

• Your life’s goal is to amount to a hill of beans.

• Instant coffee takes too long.

• When someone says. “How are you?”, you say, “Good to the last drop.”

• You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.

• You want to come back as a coffee mug in your next life.

• Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.

• Your hand is permanently shaped to hold your mug.

• You’d be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.

• You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.

• You’re offended when people use the word “brew” to mean beer.

• You name your cats “Cream” and “Sugar.”

• You get drunk just so you can sober up.

• You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.

• Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.

• You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.

• You can outlast the Energizer bunny.

• You can jump to the moon.

• You short out motion detectors.

• You have a conniption over spilled milk.

• You don’t even wait for the water to boil anymore.

• Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.

• You think being called a “drip” is a compliment.

• Your three favorite things in life are…coffee before, coffee during and coffee after :-p

• Your lover uses soft lights, romantic music, and a glass of iced coffee to get you in the mood.

• You can’t even remember your second cup.

• You help your dog chase its tail.

• You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.

• You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate.

• You think CPR stands for “Coffee Provides Resuscitation.”

• Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.